Reality check

I have to admit that this week did quite the number on me. I've had a great 6+ months with my fibromyalgia after making a couple of major changes--quitting my job to stay at home with Kade and finally agreeing to start on medication. Cymbalta turned out to be a life changer for me. It basically knocked the pain out entirely. Throw in a bit of Xanax to help with the constant sleep issues and I was pretty much feeling like a new person. Note the use of the word "was".

I gave up the Xanax a couple of weeks ago with no problems. I'd still been able to fall asleep in a fairly normal amount of time, so no big deal. I was equally optimistic about weaning off of Cymbalta. Turns out I should have done a better job of mentally preparing myself for this process. It's amazing how quickly one forgets how miserable one felt a few months ago. It's all come back to me after the past few days. I am back in the land of aches and fogs and I'm not at all happy about it. I had believed that the Cymbalta did not have an effect on my exhaustion, but it turns out I'm insane as I'm assuming there's a connection between the fact that I'm giving it up and the fact that I am now so exhausted that I would cry but that would take more energy than I would have.

I know that it will get better as this becomes the new norm, but the transition pretty much makes me want to crawl in a hole for the next couple weeks. Plus there's the depressing thought that this is going to be the norm for the foreseeable future. I keep trying to remind myself that what we're hoping to gain through this process (which would be a sibling for Kade), is going to be more than worth it. However, I have to admit it still sucks.

Thank goodness for Kade because he is truly the only thing that gets me up and moving at this point. Nothing puts a smile on my face faster than him. Plus there is no way that one of the most active boys I've ever seen is going to let his mommy lie around and feel sorry for herself all day.  I do feel guilty as I know I'm not nearly as much fun as usual. Plus mommy feeling like crap is pretty much a guarantee that there is a bit more Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on than is typically allowed at our house.

Case in point--today was the perfect, sunny day for a trip to the zoo, which is something you should take advantage of in January in Ohio. However, I knew the combination of the gigantic hills at the zoo and the fact that Kade's nap would occur in the car (which means no down time for me) would absolutely do me in. This is a big step for me, as I've spent the majority of the nearly four years since my diagnosis trying to act as if nothing is wrong, but it still tears me up to not be able to do everything I want to with my son.

Since this has turned out to be much more depressing than I had anticipated, I'll leave you with a video that never fails to bring a smile to my face. It stars my little ray of sunshine on our last trip to the zoo. Hope it makes you smile too!